Why Can’t I Sleep?

I kept turning, trying to find a cold part of my pillow, trying to find a more comfortable position but it didn’t help, I just couldn’t sleep any more. This never happens to me, I love sleeping! I don’t sleep very much but when I do decide to sleep, I can sleep anywhere, anytime. I just couldn’t take the turning anymore, so I decided to write instead.

I’ve been feeling like I’ve had a writers block lately. I have all these things in my head I want to write about but they’re just not coming out on paper. It’s like my thoughts have decided to hide from me, nocking somewhere distant in my mind so I can hear the echo of them but I can’t exactly hear what they’re trying to tell me so I can’t find the right words for them. I think this is why I can’t sleep. I’ve reached a point where the echo is too loud, it’s keeping me awake.

What is our echo made out of? If we find the source of our echo, can we then finally hear the exact words and get understandable sentences out of them? And when we get understandable sentences out of them, if we then choose to listen to these sentences and make decisions based on what we hear, would the echo disappear? Could the echo just be me procrastinating on things, not making a decision on something, and the echo is created from both sides of the decision still playing ball with each other deep in my mind?

I don’t believe sleeplessness comes without a reason. Find the reason and you have the power to choose what you do with that reason – keep it or let go. If you keep it, it must be serving you in some way. If it’s not serving you, it’s not worth keeping, so just let go. Either you stand still and keep status quo or you move. What’s it going to be?

For me, I’ll find the reason behind my echo and I’ll let go of whatever is keeping that echo alive because clearly it’s not serving me. Being wide awake at 2AM, for me who loves sleeping, is not where I want to be.

“Far in the back of her mind she was thinking. But she could not dredge up these half-formed feelings, these obscure bits of ideas, into clear, definite thoughts…Her mind ticked away, singing a song she could not decipher.” – Helen Wells, Cherry Ames, Veterans’ Nurse


About Mia Berglund


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